We all witnessed Nkateko’s turbulent relationship with Khanya Nqalose unfold during Season 1 of The Ultimatum South Africa. However, a recent statement from Nkateko on his Instagram has revealed that what viewers saw was just the surface
Allegations of physical and emotional abuse have left many shocked, sparking important conversations about the often-overlooked side of GBV.
Nkateko Mahange and Khanya Nqalose were undeniably the most controversial couple on the hit Netflix reality show The Ultimatum South Africa. After the reunion, viewers were left questioning why the pair rekindled their relationship, especially given their clear incompatibility. Khanya’s fiery temper became a focal point after a heated altercation with cast member Siza, where she hurled insults at her. She also escalated tensions with Nkateko, being verbally abusive towards him and even pouring wine on him. The couple shares a son, and in a recent Instagram post marking his son’s first birthday, Nkateko revealed he is currently engaged in a legal battle with Khanya for custody.
He also opened up about the abusive dynamics of their relationship, which had escalated to physical violence and public outbursts. While his post sparked mixed reactions, the overwhelming response was positive, with many applauding him for speaking out and walking away from the toxic relationship. We caught up with Nkateko to check in and elevate the conversation around GBV.
Glamour: Why was it important for you tell your story?
Kay: To be honest I needed to tell my story because I needed to live my truth and for people to know the truth of what happened. Many months down the line and I’m stronger and better than I can ever be because of what I have been through. I have always believed that God would not give or allow something into my life that I cannot handle. I can handle sharing my truth.
Glamour: How was the reception been?
Kay: The reception has been as I have expected it to be. The have been different assumptions and misconceptions about who I am and what I’m really all about. But I hope with time people can get to know the real me outside of everything that has happened in the past. My only hope is that GBV against men is taken more seriously because the have been men before me that have never lived to tell their story because they couldn’t find a way out from a coercive situation. So I feel really honored and grateful to be one of those with a testimony to share. And it is not my testimony alone but Gods to and I know as a Christian I also have to share it to my brothers and sisters who are also children of God.
Glamour: What in your opinion, is the tone of the conversation around GBV where men are the victims?
Kay: I believe that men have been victims since the beginning of time. Most men will agree that sometimes when our girlfriends or wives are mad, we let a slap or throwing of the glass pass because we believe that women are emotional beings and sometimes express themselves that way.
We’ve seen that in movies and we’ve seen that with our own eyes. I used to see female cartoon characters hit male cartoon characters freely when irritated or mad in cartoons, animations, and anime while growing up. I believe a girl and a boy watching similar content may receive different interpretations from that. At the end of the day a woman should never put her hands on a man unless it’s self defence.
This is an example of a factor that needs to be discussed further hopefully at a men’s conference one day. These are potential contributing factors amongst others that need to be discussed further and I’m hoping that in time I can gather men to a men’s conference one day. I’d like to invite the older generation of men to lead by example and pass down a new way of thinking and of processing life experiences as men.
Glamour: What’s your advice to men who see themselves in you?
Kay: Remain true to who you are even in the most difficult of situations. Respect every woman no matter what and love them because women are a reflection of us. They are our mirrors. How we treat others is a reflection how we treat ourselves. A hurt person will continue to hurt those around them just as much as a healed person will continue to help heal others. If we meet toxic women it’s because they have also experienced toxic men in their past and failed to heal and outgrow their traumas, whether it be a father, uncle, brother or boyfriend.
Love women the way God loves us and we will be fine as men in this world. The women around Jesus were always at peace around him and it’s our responsibility to be that peace for our mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriend’s and wives.
And lastly, always put your children first before you leave this earth because they will be a reminder of how you showed up in this world. My character is a sum of my mother’s beautiful heart towards others and I honour her because she is everything I want to be for my child.
Glamour: It was your son’s birthday on Sunday, what would you say fatherhood has taught you about yourself?
Kay: Being a father has taught me that I should be like my child when I see how he thinks and moves everyday I’m with him. He seeks joy and fulfilment with the things and people around him. He goes for what he wants and he is relentless about it, which I admire the most. He reminds me to be his champion and my own champion in my own life.
When he falls while trying to walk, or when he keeps trying to grab for what I said he shouldn’t, I see that it won’t be easy for anybody to break his spirit when opposition try to deny him of what he is destined for by God. My child has been healing me before and after his birth and just by spending time with him. God did His thing when He made my son.
Glamour: What’s your ultimate vision regarding co-parenting with Khanya?
Kay: Khanya and I will forever remain separated but my wish for her is that she gets the help she needs. That one day she can acknowledge what has been done and heal from her mistakes and be better. Qhawe still needs a mother but I want him to experience his mother when she is evaluated and treated for whatever pain she has been through since growing up. Everybody deserves a mom, even my son. I pray that the legal system helps by helping her get the help she needs.
Glamour: What are some of the lessons you’d like to impart as you navigate fatherhood?
Kay: I’ve started to value the importance of learning and mastering how to heal while you’re going through something. It makes it easier to heal more progressively when you’re free from what you’ve gone through. Your make or break moments are the moments when you are processing the good or bad moments that you are going through each and every day. Regardless of what I was going through, my life and dreams could not stop for anyone or anything and they never will.
Secondly, I’ve learnt to watch my son’s energy in motion in the sense that I’m becoming more aware of what he’s passionate about. This way I can help God direct his steps and his dreams, talents and purpose in his life. If I watch him kick a football majority of the day even until 3, I’d want to find out if it’s a passion or an interest so that I can invest in his future at an early age. Remember that passion can be seen where someone is willing to visit the same place to sharpen and nurture something every single day.
Glamour: What does community look like to you?
Nkateko: Community looks like what my family is all about. I remember my brother and I were sitting by the lounge and talking about how important it is to remember that it takes a village, a team, or a community to make anything work in your life. Not just your dreams but the experience of being part of a solid family unit.
Glamour: What’s on your wish list ahead of Valentine’s Day?
Nkateko: That I remind people to continue to love regardless of what they have been through. Love heals as much as it restores, rebuilds and fulfils us. Allow yourself to receive it from friends, family and even the person you choose to be with. I still believe in love and I know I will end up with a good woman. But for now I will remain single and focused on God, my son, and I.
Glamour: Do you have any parting words?
Nkateko: Remember that no one is perfect. To sin means you have missed the mark. And I have missed the mark a couple of times in my past even while growing up. That has always reminded me to never throw stones at others but pray that God helps everybody finds their way in this life. Everybody is going through something. In the end I just want you to see God when you see my life. Take care, and always remember to take care of yourself and those around you, not only for them but for you to. And lastly, When you read these words you will know if I have healed or not.
