The gorgeous thespian, model and singer is no stranger to our screens. Off screen, she inspires many, as a woman who is firmly rooted in her truth
I’ve had the honour of picking Nirvana’s brain on a few occasions. And I can confirm without fear of favour, that she is a multi-layered queen who navigates her life unapologetically.
We caught up with Nirvana amidst her busy schedule as South Africa observes 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence. She adds her voice to the conversation and lets us in on her thoughts and experiences.
On her relationship with self…
I’m definitely finding trusting what it is I feel and see. Having grown up in abusive environments, having witnessed and gone through abuse, you tend to externalise and deprioritise your focus and experience to survive. You start forgetting about your own needs, perspectives, thoughts, feelings and desires because for a long time, someone else quite violently denied you the safety of owning yourself and being nurtured.
They made themselves the focal point in your world. So trusting my feelings and my experiences, leaning into them has been a great marker of my deepening relationship with self. And trust is a process of acknowledging and investigating my experiences. They exist—What are they trying to tell me about me or my environment? Because, ultimately, they’re trying to keep me safe. And so I don’t lock them away or sedate them. I give them space to be seen, felt and supported.
On her approach to wellness…
It’s important to be curious. You can only go as deep with the world as you are willing to go deep with yourself. I explore as many constructive disciplines as I possibly can to heighten the quality of my life. I don’t engage in things that aim to keep me codependent, and disempowered in some way. There are so many ways, approaches to becoming well and maintaining wellness. And I want to keep myself curious and open.
Her take on JOY…
I take joy in writing and beauty. I love putting together words to articulate experiences and I love to dress up. It’s so intimate.
Navigating the entertainment industry…
I think this industry is far more complex than we might want to admit. But if I say I’ve found a way to navigate, it’s by remaining extremely true to myself. I think I know what my capacity is, how I want to be treated in a workspace, what I want to get paid, what I’m willing and unwilling to compromise on. I am also extremely aware of the value I offer. Just trusting and honouring my contributions. Trusting what those contributions are worth.
It’s hard to define worth in a creative setting where people generally undermine or overvalue the significance of things. Knowing that I am equally responsible in creating the standards I want to see is so empowering and definitive to how I navigate. Now I know how I move. I know what will welcome me because of what I welcome. I know what feathers I may ruffle, because of my stance. I know who I am, and I’ve accepted that in the same way one shoe size doesn’t fit all, I don’t have to be for everyone. It isn’t necessary. But I am about and for my people and myself.
Her thoughts on boundaries and consent…
It’s interesting because I’ve been labelled hypersensitive by the same people who would take joy in abusing me or who would cope in dysfunctional dynamics in very destructive and maladaptive ways. I think that we need to accept that our value and worth as individuals, don’t come from dominating others. I think that’s a conditioned response from years of collective abuse, neglect and abandonment. So many people have based their sense of selves on something that isn’t even real, and so they find offence in humanity.
They’re offended by people just being themselves. In very creative ways, they punish and persecute people for being who they are and asserting themselves. And so, with time, I have to learnt to define right and wrong according to my own standards and my personal relationship with God, not on the invasive standards of the people that have abused me have tried to inject into me. Richard Grannon says that often the intentions that an abuser has for you will live on until you deconstruct their colonisation over your mind. And realising that there’s a lot of people who do not have the same moral compass as me, who they take joy in crossing boundaries—it just removes the confusion of why—because we’re fundamentally, morally and spiritually not the same person.
My pain was a conduit to make them feel powerful. I don’t do or need that. I don’t need other people’s pain or discomfort to feel powerful. I don’t need to cause distress and anxiety in people to feel a sense of self. And so as soon as I see that a person is living in a delusion of grandiosity, and I have come to understand that, I cut that out in every way I possibly can, including spiritually. Because it is a spiritual attack. It’s someone causing a moral injury by undermining the limits and environment you need to be safe, so that they can control you.
We’re all human. All of us need to be safe, and not at the expense of someone else. Manipulation is quite insidious in that way. & I believe in an abundant God, so I never fall short on the things and people I need. I never fall short on supply because of the God I serve and my relationship with God. If anything, I choose to see God using those instances to sharpen our relationship and my faith. And that feels good to know.
On leading with intention…
My thoughts on leading with intention, are about compassion. I think compassion is the ability to understand your own suffering and thus have the capacity to understand another’s. You can’t afford compassion to people when you’re almost stoic or resistant to your own experience. You’re just not going to understand where other people are coming from or even have the space for that. So practicing compassion in leadership means being intentional with yourself.
Finding her voice and standing in her truth…
I struggled for many years to feel understood. And I feel that I’m quite clear now. I have spent a lot of time refining my clarity. I think that’s what my truth needs and deserves. And I am quite gentle, but also, only when I need to be. So it’s an art that’s developing quite beautifully with time and focused effort.
Her perspective on safety…
To be protected from harm or injury. Sometimes, people high jack safe spaces to do further harm. It’s not enough to say “it’s a safe space”. You have to be accommodating and considerate to the nuance of human experience. And we haven’t mastered that at all. In fact, I see so much abuse going on in so called “safe spaces”. I think we all need to just trust ourselves more individually. We need to stop going with the flow. We need to trust and develop that trustworthiness with our own flow, and be brave to be seen in that.
Her message to South African men…
If anything, I think men have had to deny themselves their own humanity. So many South African men don’t know what it feels like to have someone mirror and validate their emotions, so they’ve had to develop that within themselves. And I think it’s caused a very big wound and a maladaptive way of demanding to be seen and taken care of. I think South African men should know they are important, and that their importance isn’t something that is a result of someone being dependent or “lesser than”, but it’s something quite innate.
I want men to be brave to explore and redefine their humanity by taking ownership of their stuff, with courage and bravery. And to be humble enough to say, “I don’t know how to deal with all of this” and then do the hard work of researching and investigating, being vulnerable and falling and getting up with a new perspective and a new freedom. I’m so excited for South African men right now. There’s something profoundly beautiful happening, and I feel a big healing on the horizon. They have no idea how powerful and necessary they are in their fundamental truth. They’ll come to know with intention and healing.
What community looks like to Nirvana…
Community looks like vulnerability and showing up. It looks like being intentional about creating the space you want to be in. It means lovingly honouring the connections in your life, and what they offer—taking the challenges and grievances as an opportunity to go deeper instead of disposing of or cutting people off. I believe in restoration and rehabilitation. But I only believe in it when vulnerability, ownership and honesty are present. And I’ve seen that in my community and honour that.
How she shows up to her aunt duties…
Wow! I’m definitely a fighter for my little ones. In every way, I want them to know they matter. And that means fighting for them to have emotional space, protecting their human dignity even when they’re not there. It means co-regulating in times they bear their hearts out to me. And it means making sure they feel empowered to stand up and stand true for themselves even when I’m not around.
Navigating relationships…
lol, I’m trying my best. And I’ve just learnt to trust my discomfort as much as I trust the pleasure. Never letting someone’s experience overcome my own. Balance and genuine friendship are what I care about the most right now.
Final thoughts…
I’m excited about what this new world is going to be. 2025 will definitely be a marker year for many heartfelt changes.
