Why do friendship breakups hurt more than romantic breakups?

Losing a friend is almost as painful, if not more, painful than going through a romantic heartbreak.

Getting hurt or feeling betrayed is not exclusive to any gender. The truth is that either situation can be equally devastating. Yet, sometimes, a friendship breakup can be a lot harder to deal with and accept.

Romantic relationships don’t always work out. They are mostly short-lived unless one is fortunate enough to find “the one.” Friendships, on the other hand, tend to have a higher probability of lasting longer. This makes it so much harder to say goodbye.

It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that this person with whom you have shared everything, your best friend, the one you’ve told all the juicy and not-so-juicy details of your life, is just going to leave, taking all of your secrets with them and there’s nothing that can be done to salvage that situation once the friendship has ended.

Why does losing a friend hurt so much?

Friendships last longer than relationships: Sometimes, we meet our friends at a younger age, and the friendships can grow and deepen over time. As a result, we develop an emotional bond with this friend that can be difficult to break. We’ve shared all our secrets with them and they know us just as much as we know them. So, moving on from this friend with whom you’ve been so close, can be very difficult.

Friendships are almost more intimate than relationships: We are more vulnerable with our friends, relying on them for support and companionship in most areas of our lives. This level of love and intimacy that’s not physical makes it even more painful when the friendship ends.

Friendships are sometimes taken for granted: It’s common to assume that our friends will always be there for us, making it difficult to accept when a friendship ends. We sometimes fail to realise how much our friendships mean to us until they are gone.

What to do when a friendship ends

It’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused and betrayed when going through a friendship breakup. If there’s absolutely no way to reconcile with this friend, and the bond is irreparably damaged, then give yourself time to grieve the loss of the friendship.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions and accept your feelings, even if they are negative. Sharing your feelings with someone can also help. This could be another friend, a family member or even a stranger—anyone with whom you feel comfortable talking about this.

Lastly, heal.

It takes time to get over a friendship breakup so, be patient and allow yourself to grieve the loss at your own pace.

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