I lost my biological mother when I was four years old so my godmother took me in. She has been an amazing mother to me all my life and all I wanted was to make her proud.
However, I have found myself in a situation where she continues to take care of me. Just recently, she advised me to quit my job so she would take care of me.
She says I am not strong enough to keep working. She is right, but I need the money. Besides, how can a young woman like me in my twenties sit at home and allow my elderly mother to go and work and bring me money?
I am at this point in my life because of a man my friend introduced me to. We had the kind of connection I was looking for in a partner.
The communication between us always flowed easily. And he always gave me a shoulder to lean on. Basically, our relationship was peaceful and sweet.
We were both working but he wasn’t doing so well financially so our plans to get married kept delaying. It didn’t bother me too much because I was assured of his love for me.
I knew that at the right time things would go as planned. There was no need to rush things.
While we were nearing our four-year anniversary, I found out I was pregnant. We were still struggling but we decided to keep the baby.
When my mother found out she said, “Let him come and marry you before the baby arrives. That way we will be assured he won’t leave you to raise the child alone.”
I knew he wouldn’t be able to afford it so I told my mum not to rush him. I explained that he would do the right thing when he is ready. And she didn’t push it.
In the middle of the pregnancy, I had problems with my rent so I moved in with a friend till I was almost due to deliver. Then I moved in with my mother. She took care of me till I delivered a baby boy through CS in August 2022.
During the pregnancy, my man supported me with what he could afford. It wasn’t much but I still had my teaching job so I managed. After the baby arrived he lost his job.
So he couldn’t support us with anything at all. It was my mother and I who handled the costs of having a newborn. My father also helped until he passed away.
Because of this, my mum had to constantly work so she could take care of us. This also meant she didn’t have time to perform domestic duties for me and the baby.
I couldn’t also do much because I wasn’t healed properly. My baby daddy ended up having issues with my mum as a result. In the end, we decided that for peace to prevail I had to move to his mother’s place so she would help me. In hindsight, that decision was poorly made.
I went through a lot while I was living with his mother. I couldn’t explain this heaviness and extended sadness that plagued my soul.
I read about it and realized I had symptoms of postpartum depression. I didn’t get professional help as most of the articles I read recommended, so every little thing triggered me.
While I was battling my mind on a daily basis, God answered our prayers and my man got a job. Before that, the baby and I were sharing a room with his aunt. So the first thing he did with his salary was to pay one of his mum’s tenants to move so we could have their room.
This made things easier for us. It helped me deal with my emotions somehow. Things were not back to normal but they were much better than they used to be.
One day my baby daddy and I were lying down happily and smiling at each other when he asked, “Are you hungry?” I said, “Yes, I am. Can you get me kenkey?” This man ignored me for about thirty minutes.
I was still waiting for the kenkey when he came to tell me, “My friends are coming over for us to work on an assignment.” I was angry so I responded, “I am hungry but you ignored me. Now you are telling me your friends are visiting. What do you want me to do?” He also got mad and said I was talking to him anyhow. Honestly, I didn’t even shout when I spoke to him.
In his anger, he told me, “It’s not my job to buy you food to eat.” I felt so sad that I cried. He didn’t mind me until he was going out to meet his friends to bring them home. That was when he came asking for money to go and buy the kenkey. I was still very sad so I ignored him.
He brought his friends(all females) home but he didn’t introduce me to them. I didn’t understand why he was behaving like I was his enemy all of a sudden. He knew I couldn’t cook, or go out and buy the kenkey because my wound was hurting.
The wound I wore as a badge for bringing his son into this world. So why would he treat me so horribly? I even came close to cursing him that day but something held me back.
To put some distance between us, I left for my sister’s place. He also unfriended me on Facebook. When I asked why he said, “I don’t like the comments you leave on my posts.” I wasn’t happy with him but I pushed for us to resolve our problems.
I tried but he didn’t believe there was anything to be resolved. He just kept telling me to fix my attitude and that I am disrespectful.
I overlooked everything and still went back to him in December. I noticed he sees it as disrespectful when I confront him about certain things he doesn’t do right. So for the sake of peace, I vowed not to do that anymore. I left him to do whatever he wanted.
As I write this, I am six months pregnant while our son is eleven months old. Initially, he asked me to get rid of the pregnancy but I refused. He tried to persuade me so I told my sister about it. My sister advised against it and took the matter to his mother.
His mother also didn’t support what he wanted. They convinced him that we should keep the baby. It was just him against three women. He was outnumbered.
One time we were having a calm conversation about our problems. The whole point was to address whatever was going wrong with the relationship so we could fix it. After the talk, he said I used my hand to make gestures to emphasize my displeasure.
“This means you don’t respect me. It also means you don’t let go of things. You are holding on to pain from the past. How can we have a happy life together when you talk to me anyhow because you are angry at me?
I am sorry but we have to end things.” Nothing he said made sense. It defeated the whole purpose of the talk. How is it disrespectful to use hand gestures to express emotions?
Now he says he doesn’t want me anymore. He says I should tell my family whatever I want as long as they understand that we are done.
“Every month I will send you GHC500 as child support for my children,” he said. GHC500 for a baby and a pregnancy in this economy? My heart is broken and things have come to this point. We were so much better than this.
The first time he ever called me disrespectful was when that Kenkey incident happened. Since then, everything has gone downhill.
A man who used to be my safe space is now calling me a wrong choice. He believes it’s a waste of time to talk to me.
He claims I am trying to use our kids as a medium to extort money from him. How can love go wrong this badly? This is someone I accepted and supported when he was struggling.
My world is crushing but I’m taking comfort in my son and the unborn baby. Sometimes too, I cry when I think about the delays I will have to deal with while I’m raising two children by myself.
It is because of all this that my mum wants me to quit my job, so she would take care of me. My question is, for how long will I depend on her for survival?
This baby I am going to birth to is going to be delivered through CS. I honestly don’t know how I am going to do any of this. I don’t know what my next step should be. I feel so lost.
