Dear GhanaWeb,
I’ve been married to my wife for six years.
Before we met, she was with someone else who passed away a year before we crossed paths.
Initially, we were just friends, but over time, we developed feelings for each other.
A year later, I asked her out, and we dated for two years before getting married.
We’ve had a pretty normal, happy life together, but there’s one issue that has been bothering me for some time.
Every year, my wife attends a memorial service for her late ex, as his family celebrates his birthday in his memory.
He died from an accident, falling down the stairs while drunk, on his birthday.
While I’ve never been fully comfortable with this, I allowed it, thinking it would eventually fade over time, especially since she told me about it when we were dating.
Recently, my wife was sick, and her doctors advised me to keep a close eye on her, so I decided to accompany her to the memorial.
I had tried to convince her not to go due to her illness, but she insisted, so I went along, thinking it would help.
We stayed at a hotel the night before the memorial, and when we arrived at the family’s house, they told her that her ex’s twin brother, who had been living abroad for nine years, had finally returned.
I greeted everyone, and they were very welcoming. But when my wife saw her ex’s brother, she rushed to hug him tightly and started crying, saying, “You look just like him, it’s like he’s still here with us.” I stood there, feeling uneasy, while she cried in front of me, hugging his brother.
They spent some time together, and I was getting increasingly frustrated, but I stayed through the ceremony.
Afterward, I suggested we leave and head back to the hotel. My wife asked me to go ahead, and she would join me later.
I didn’t want to leave her behind, especially since she was still unwell, so I insisted on her coming with me.
Her ex’s brother offered to drop her off later when she was ready, but I declined, telling him that I’d take her with me because I’m responsible for her well-being.
My wife dismissed my concerns, telling me not to make a big deal out of it since the people there were family.
I then told her not to bother coming to the hotel anymore, and as I was leaving, I overheard her ex’s brother call me a “controlling jerk” and blame me for making this a problem, saying the only reason we were in this situation was because his brother died.
I confronted him, asking him to repeat what he said. He did, and in a moment of anger, I punched him in the jaw. Chaos broke out, and we ended up injuring each other before they could separate us.
I left the house, and my wife followed me, angry, but I didn’t say anything more. I drove off, leaving her there.
She came back home a day later, giving me attitude. I apologised for causing the scene but explained that I only acted out of concern for her health and my feelings, as I felt disrespected.
She accused me of being insecure and jealous of a dead man.
Since then, we’ve been living like roommates, no affection, and despite her attempts to initiate contact, I’ve refused.
I’m seriously considering divorce because I’m unsure if she’s truly over her ex or if she still loves me.
Am I overreacting? How should I handle this situation?
FG/EB
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