Do you want to leave your relationship but just can’t seem to say the words and do it? Every time you try, you back down, leaving you stuck in fear and guilt.
What if a breakup is possible without the guilt and fear? (Hint: It is possible.) After repeatedly working with clients who find themselves in this predicament, I can tell you that these are the five reasons they hesitate. So, let me also offer you my take on why you shouldn’t let these fears hold you back.
Here are 4 fears that keep you from dumping him but you need to do it anyway:
1. You’re scared of being alone in an “uncertain” future
When you find yourself worrying about the future, remember that these feelings just indicate that you’re not fully in the present — not that you have anything to fear. Recently, I attended a seminar where I was told to go to a store and ask for an item that they did not carry. I became very nervous and my hands started to get clammy as I imagined how awful the experience would be. And I hadn’t even left the room yet! It then occurred to me that my thoughts were creating these feelings of fear. In the end, I was able to accomplish the challenge and enjoy it. We’re not very good predictors of the future so it’s best to let go of our fears about what is going to happen — and focus on what is happening right now. And right now, you’re instincts are telling you it’s time to leave this relationship.
2. You’re worried about hurting the other person
You’re not responsible for how the other person feels. It’s a common mistake to think we know how others will feel, which we base almost entirely on how we would feel in a similar situation. The truth is, that feelings come from our thoughts — not from other people’s actions. No one can make you feel anything and you cannot make anyone feel anything. Once my clients realize that they’re not responsible for how others think or respond, they suddenly feel free to make the right decision for themselves.
3. You’ve hinged your peace and happiness on things outside of you
All too often, I see people worry if they’re making the right decision about leaving a relationship. They believe — incorrectly — that their security, well-being, and happiness depend on how someone else feels. But your happiness and peace depend on your thoughts at the moment and NOT on any external factors. Once you realize that, you’ll suddenly feel free to leave a relationship with no strings attached.
4. You’re afraid people will think you’re a jerk
Many people are afraid to leave relationships because they think this makes them a bad person. They stay because they’re afraid of being criticized or labeled as selfish or uncaring. Do not have these fears; leaving a relationship does not say anything about you as a person.
Leaving a relationship with someone who you believe is not right for you is a very selfless thing to do. Instead of hanging on to a person whom you don’t love, you are letting him or her free to find another partner who does love them.
