Most people would agree you generally can’t help who you fall in love with. But in some circumstances, you might wish that weren’t the case. Maybe you love someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Regardless of the situation, love is a complicated emotion. And even when it’s clear that a relationship isn’t doing you any favors, it can feel impossible to simply turn off your feelings.
These tips can help you start the process of moving forward
1. Acknowledge the truth of the situation
Optimism isn’t a bad trait. The ability to hold on to hope in difficult or painful situations is typically considered a sign of personal strength.
But when it comes to struggling relationships, it’s more helpful to consider the present reality than the future you imagine.
If you believe giving up on your relationship or love for someone means you’ve failed, think again. It takes courage and self-awareness to recognize this. You’ve taken a positive step toward self-growth
2. Accept what the love meant to you
“Some loves might always scratch at your heart,” Egel says. “Some relationships, especially those that were an integral part of growth at pivotal times in our lives, thread through the inner makings of who we become.”
Letting go of a meaningful love can make you feel like you’re also letting go of everything it once was. But try to take the opportunity to acknowledge the good things about the relationship, anything you might have learned from it. Validate those feelings. Give them space in your heart.
3. Look to the future
Love for an ex or someone who doesn’t return your feelings can limit you. If you stay stuck with someone you can’t have a relationship with, you’ll likely have a hard time finding happiness with anyone else.
Even if you don’t feel ready for anything serious, casual dating can help you realize there are plenty of great people out there.
If no one feels quite right, you may still need time to work through your lingering attachment. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy casual relationships while doing this work. But handle these situations with integrity: Be open and honest about what you’re looking for and what you’re currently able to give
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