Have you inadvertently offended your female friend? Everyone makes mistakes, but the important part of a mistake is realizing that you’ve hurt someone. Asking forgiveness can be tough, but it is a vital part of any relationship. If you are sincere, honest, and clear with your apology, however, you can expect to be back to normal in no time.
Figure out why she was offended. Did your comment implicate someone she loved, like a family member or friend, accidentally? Did you bring up a story or event from her past that she would rather not talk about? Is there a simple misunderstanding between you two? The simplest way to figure out your mistake is to ask, but there are other methods as well. Talk to her friends — do they know how you insulted her? Replay the event in your head. did you say something off-hand that you didn’t realize was offensive?
Apologize in person. Pull her aside and let her know that you never meant to offend her. Outline briefly what you meant to say and avoid making excuses this is not the time to go on trial, it is the time to atone for your mistake. Get your apology in as soon as possible the longer you wait to say sorry the harder it will be to convince her that you mean it.
Be sincere in your apology. Do not apologize just to “get her off your back,” as she’ll see through it instantly. Good ways to show your sincerity include: Make eye contact. Slightly bow your head. Talk in a slow, calm, and measured voice. Don’t rush your apology to “get it over with.”
List the hurtful effects of your actions when you apologize. This will show empathy and show that you are actually sorry. If you simply say that you’re sorry, you’ll give the impression that you’re only sorry about getting caught.
Admit your wrongdoing. This simple show of humility is the most powerful thing you can do in an apology. You made a mistake, knowingly or not, and you need to own up to your mistake to move on. Why were you wrong? Do you understand why you were offensive? Let her know that you’ve learned from your mistake. “I’m so sorry I said that — I never meant to hurt you and I won’t say it again.” “I made a mistake thinking that was okay, it won’t happen again.”
Listen to her response. The apology is her opportunity to tell you how you made her feel, and an opportunity for both of you to move forward. Listen attentively and take her thoughts on board. If you can, rephrase them back to her to show that you were listening. This is why you need to get a few minutes to apologize to her.
Ask for her forgiveness. While difficult, you need to come clean, say you’re sorry, and hope that she forgives you. If your mistake was accidental, chances are good she will be laugh off the misunderstanding and move on. There is no more effective way to ask for forgiveness than a simple, “I’m sorry.”
Move on. Once you’ve apologized, it’s time to get your friendship back on track. If you’ve accidentally offended her, the best you can do is apologize, admit your wrongdoing, and ask for forgiveness. If she is unwilling to accept this, than give her some time to see that you are sincere. However, don’t feel like you need to bend over backwards to make things right everyone makes mistakes, and she needs to be able to forgive you.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to make it up to her. Is there something you can do to make her feel better? Is there someone else that you may need to apologize to, such as a friend or family member who was also nearby. Showing that you will do things to fix your mistake proves that you are truly sorry and want to prevent future insult. Do not, however, feel like you “owe” her anything. Your actions should be done out of caring, and she should not take advantage of you with absurd or unreasonable demands.
Act politely. While you should do this all of the time, go out of your way to show that you still respect her, despite your slip up. Treating her with respect and humility will help heal the wounds that were accidentally opened. You don’t need to act like she is queen. Basic dignity and curtsey should suffice.
Avoid getting defensive. You may feel entitled to an apology as well — after all, you did not mean to be offensive — but this is not the time or place. You need to understand where she is coming from if you hope to avoid further issues. Do no argue or try and convince her that “you weren’t being insulting” or that she is “overreacting.” The offender does not get to choose what is offensive. If she felt insulted, then you insulted her.
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