“I have this endless curiosity and appetite for studying sex and how it works.”
‘Women Talk Sex’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday women on sexual health, pleasure, and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
For the first #WomenTalkSex edition of May, we converse with a sex toy vendor who gets personal with us on how her job overlaps and sometimes tends to influence her personal sex life.
She talks about finding a balance between her identity as a sex therapist and as a person who just wants to enjoy sex like every other woman alive.
What was your introduction to sex like?
Sometime in JSS2 when a group of my girlfriends were discussing how babies were made.
They mentioned a big word – I think it was coitus or copulation, not so sure now – but you know, they said that and I began to wonder and that curiosity just became bigger and bigger.
Thankfully we soon got to reproduction and then I got the senior classes, and also got access to the internet and I just kept reading more and more about sex and its processes.
Then I also watched a lot of porn at some point in an attempt to just become more familiar with the subject and all of its angles.
And by the time I became sexually active, it was out of a desire to put all the things I had seen and read into practice, not necessarily because I wanted to get a kick out of it.
It took a while before I adjusted to the idea that sex was actually for pleasure.
Having consumed so much information before your first time, what would you say your biggest expectation was?
Oh, I was very curious about semen. You know, I always wanted to know what that ‘white thing’ looked like. So that was it for me. I can’t even lie.
What was the first time like?
It was a struggle. It took us a whole 4 days to finally make the penetration happen. It was insane but once we got past that, it was pretty much straight forward from there.
What is your sex life like?
Very active. Very passionate. I’m doing it almost all the time. But with just one partner. On a scale of 0-100 in terms of satisfaction, I’d actually give myself a 100.
Talk that talk queen!
LMAO. I am a sex toy vendor who has an endless curiosity and appetite for studying sex and how it works, and I also help people with their sex lives, I think it’s only right that my sexual satisfaction rating should be a ten over ten.
Talking about helping people with their sex lives. Can you remember a really terrible case that blew your mind?
Oh, sure. This one time, this babe came to me one time. This babe is gorgeous. I am a woman myself and I know fine people. So believe me when I say this woman is pretty as hell.
So there she was, married for five years without an orgasm and was on the verge of cheating on her husband.
She was sexually active before marriage but the man she married turned out to have a very tiny penis and she had been struggling in the marriage since.
I think that was the craziest thing I ever had to deal with or help someone through. Like, I can’t relate to someone going five years without an orgasm. Omo.
Let’s say someone reaches out to you now with the same issue, what would your advice be?
I’d first of all do some emotional therapy for them, have a conversation detailing how to pleasure the man without having to do penetration.
I’d also recommend a strap-on dildo for the man. Basically, it was this and some other stuff I recommended to that woman and her marriage was salvaged.
Owing to your job, do you feel the extra pressure to perform during sex? You know, to actually prove that you know what you’re doing?
Not really. There was a bit of that at the beginning when I just got into this line of business, but not anymore.
These days, it is what it is. What you see is what you get. But thankfully for my partner sha, I usually give a 10/10 in the sack.
And have you ever felt that a partner was doing too much just to match up with you or to impress you?
Again, no. I think what helped was that I never used to bring up my job or how much I know. It tends to allow people to express themselves normally. No need bruising their egos. LOL
And there was no disappointment?
Well, I am a very patient person when it comes to that. So back then, whenever I saw that a guy wasn’t matching up to my expectations, I just pointed out to them that we should try this or try that next.
That way, I get what I want and they don’t feel bad or fall under undue pressure.
Do you ever have male customers though?
Sure. All the time
Have you ever had to deal with sexual overtures from them?
Oh sure. LOL. All of them sef. Ok. Let me not generalise. Almost all of them.
And how do you deal with this?
Well, I think as a woman you are used to something like that. Men make moves on you all the time anyway so the idea is to blow them off but let them down in a way that still does not affect business. Remember I have a business to run here.
Word. I’m about to ask you a bunch of random questions
Ok. Shoot
What’s the most ignorant opinion on women’s bodies you’ve heard from a man
“This woman own [vagina] no hot like the other girl own.” Whatever the hell that means. And then he tried to link that to how loose one woman was compared to the other and I was just there like ‘what has that got to do with anything?’ Some men are really just dumb. It’s irritating.
Rate your sex life over 100
70. I think it’s because I’m still learning. I know I know quite a lot, but I feel like there is still so much I could learn.
When was your most embarrassing sex moment
I had this one night stand once and my period decided to show up on that same night. I was mad embarrassed.
Weirdest place you’ve had sex
Oh boy. I had this guy I was crushing on for so long. Believe me when I say I was always willing and ready to risk it all for him.
So he called me one night and I snuck out of the house. We drove around for a bit and ended up on a quiet, dark street.
We started making out heavily and next thing, policemen showed up. They started insulting us, calling me ashawo and all sorts. I was so young and so scared.
Mind you, I snuck out of the house. How was my father supposed to come and bail me out? What would I tell him?
See, I just wanted it to end so I offered them all the #50K savings in my account. They kuku collected it. Useless people.
Worst sex experience you’ve had?
Oh. This guy I had something with a few years ago. We had had a lot of pre-meeting sexting and this guy had made a lot of noise. “I will break your back, shift your womb” and other stories.
I even bought panadol on my way there. I was expectant and prepared for an all-nighter. Can you believe that this guy came while we were making out?
So I said, let me give him another chance since that could have happened because he was excited. He came again during foreplay. He also did a third time.
This man did not penetrate once. I had to touch myself to sleep. I just told him to lose my number.
And the best?
This guy I met during NYSC. We were drawn to each other but he was one of those ghost corpers who were hardly ever around.
So one time he came around and we spent an intense night together. That was quite unforgettable. It was the first time I heard a guy moan while coming.
Greatest sexual fantasy?
I’d love to be with a lesbian. Preferably an older one. A cougar. But I’m scared I might get addicted to them or something. But I still want to try it sha.
What’s stopping you?
I’ve not found one yet.
Most overrated sexual act?
That cowgirl sex position. Totally not for me.
And which one do you consider underrated?
Still a sex position, the missionary. Has several variants and you can get creative with it. Too many people are sleeping on it.
Something sexual you think all women need to try, at least once?
Oh. A sex toy. Every woman deserves at least, one sex toy. Just one. I think women that have not tried this do not know what they are missing.