Sometimes we have friendships or relationships that confuse and frustrate us. You may be especially frustrated by a girl you think may be using you for something. Ultimately, not only is this upsetting, but it is unhealthy for the relationship. Thankfully, with a little thought and some communication, you’ll be able to figure out if a girl is using you or if you’ve just misunderstood the relationship
1. Examine your own feelings and expectations. The first step in figuring out if she is using you is to examine your own feelings and views of the relationship. If you take a good look at your own conception of the relationship, you might be able to figure out if she is using you or if you are confused about the relationship. Do you have expectations for the relationship that are unrealistic? If she wants to be friends and you want to be romantic, then the problem might lay on your end. Have you been trying to impress her or “buy” her love by spending money? If so, reexamine your view of the relationship. Do you think that you are really good friends when in reality she views you as an acquaintance or even less? If so, you should reconsider your view of the relationship.
2. Ask yourself if she listens to you or if she just talks. One telltale sign that a girl might be using you is if she only talks at you and doesn’t listening to you, too. While this might not necessarily mean that she is using you, it is a good sign that she might not truly care about you. Consider if: She ever asks you how you are feeling or how you are doing. She stops to consider your thoughts on what she is saying, or if she keeps talking. She cares to learn more about you than she already knows
3. Decide if she is more interested in your social circle than in you. It is possible that the girl is much more interested in getting into your social circle than she is in you. Consider the following: Does she abandon you at parties or events that you’ve invited her to? Does she seem more interested in doing things with your friends than with you? Does she seem completely uninterested in doing things with you unless you are hanging out at a certain place or with certain people?
4. Evaluate if she enriches your life in any way. There are many types of relationships that people can have, but ultimately, all healthy relationships benefit both people involved in some way. When evaluating the relationship, you should consider if you gain anything at all from the association or if she is the only party who benefits. Do you feel like a better person by being associated with her? Do you feel emotionally served by the relationship? Is she around when you need help or support? Do you feel like your social life or emotional life would be lacking without her?
5. Think about whether she is using you for money. You may want to consider if she is using you for material goods or for money. Ultimately, this is a relatively easy thing to figure out. Does she ask you for money constantly? Some girls may ask for money sometimes, but if she never shares or uses hers, you may want to lay off of your wallet for a bit. If she disappears after you tighten up on money, it is a good sign she was using you. Consider that there are some girls who think that the guys should pay for everything to be gentlemanly, but asking for money outright may be a sign that she is using you.
6. Use leading questions. One of the first things you may want to do before initiating a full conversation about your relationship is to probe by asking some leading questions. Leading questions will help you uncover information without explicitly asking. Ask where she sees herself in three years. If the answer is someplace completely different, and you’re not in the picture as a friend or as a partner, then you should think carefully about the relationship. Initiate a conversation about “traditional” roles in relationships. Say something like “What do you think each party should contribute to a relationship?” Try to do this in a light-hearted way. This will give you a lot of information and may confirm that she is not using you, but rather subscribes to a traditional value system. Ask her about her other friends or previous romantic partners. Getting information about friends and other romantic partners will give you a lot of information. Especially important may be why her previous relationships ended.
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