In this particular piece, we are going to look at expert methods and techniques a woman can use to sexually satisfied her husband.
1. Engage in pillow talk after intimacy. Pillow talk increases closeness and sexual satisfaction. The science behind pillow talk is that having an orgasm floods your system with oxytocin, a hormone that gives you warm, fuzzy feelings of love and trust. It makes you want to open up to your partner and share your thoughts and feelings. A 2020 study showed having more pillow talk results in men specifically feeling more satisfied with their relationships. So if you want to keep your husband sexually satisfied, try whispering sweet nothings in his ear after sex. Tell him how great he was and how amazing he makes you feel.
2. Have open conversations about intimacy regularly. Studies show greater communication is associated with more orgasms. Couples who have open conversations about sex on a regular basis end up having more satisfying sex as a result. It also turns out they tend to have sex more often as well (perhaps because it’s more often on their minds). For example, you might approach your husband and say, “Tonight after dinner, I’d like us to sit down and talk about our sex life and how we can make it even better than it already is.” If things aren’t actually going that great, you might say, “I know our sex life isn’t as awesome as it could be. Can we talk about it? Your satisfaction is really important to me.” Sex is a “taboo” or “forbidden” topic in a lot of cultures and communities, so it’s understandable that you might feel shy or embarrassed about this at first. Just remember that this is your husband. Within the sanctity of marriage, it’s a good thing to talk about your sexual relationship.
3. Define what each of you needs and wants sexually. Sit down together and discuss your sex life in detail. Pick a time when you can be alone together. Grab a drink if you want and open up to each other about what’s working for you and what’s not. You might even compose a list of specific needs and wants. For example, you might list “orgasm” as one of your needs. Then, you could discuss with him how often you normally orgasm when the two of you have sex and what specific things help get you there. If you want to take some time to think about this and write a list, that’s fine. But don’t just hand your lists to each other to read silently sit down together and talk about them.
4. Practice giving and receiving constructive criticism. Sandwich criticism between two compliments to soften the blow. Let’s be real, nobody likes to hear that they’re not awesome in bed. But if you and your husband are having a conversation about sex, the things you don’t like are going to come up. For example, you might say, “I really love when you touch me. If you used your tongue as well, it would really take me over the top. That would make our sex even more amazing than it already is.” Everybody likes different things in bed there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to sex. Remember that your husband is the ultimate authority of what pleases him. If you want him to be sexually satisfied, what he says is more important than what you’ve read in a magazine, seen in a video, or done with other men. To accept this kind of criticism, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and that can be tough. You might feel the urge to get defensive, but try to have empathy for your husband and see things from his point of view. Accepting his criticism and making changes to better please him also makes him feel more desired. You’re showing him that you’re sexually attracted to him and want to please him.
5. Make sex a priority in your lives. Actually scheduling sex can help you increase the frequency. The idea of penciling in sex on your calendar might sound really un-sexy, but it shows that sex is just as important to you as the other things you make time for. It also keeps other things from getting in the way of having sex. Scheduling a specific time for sex requires you to schedule other things around it, rather than the other way around. This is a great thing to try if you find that sex keeps getting pushed to the side in favor of other things you need to do. This doesn’t mean that, when the time comes, you have to have sex even if you don’t want to. Your libido might not always match up with your calendar—and that’s okay. Instead, spend that time relaxing and holding each other.
6. Exercise regularly to boost your energy and libido. Physical activity gives you more stamina and better circulation. Physical arousal depends a great deal on good blood flow, so improving your circulation directly improves your sex life. Apart from that, stronger and healthier bodies are more capable of enjoying sexual activity in general (as well as staying at it longer). Becoming stronger and more physically fit also improves your self-concept and self-image, which one study showed is directly related to both orgasm and sex drive or sexual desire. Kegel exercises, which strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, have sexual benefits for both men and women. To find your pelvic floor muscles, tighten or clinch as though you’re trying to keep from passing gas. Contract these muscles for 3-5 seconds, then release for 3-5 seconds. Repeat this cycle 10 times.
7. Maintain individual hobbies and interests. Doing everything together can make your partner too familiar. If you and your husband don’t have any autonomy in your relationship, you can lose sight of yourselves as individuals. When you do that, studies show, your passion and sexual desire for each other start to decrease. You can keep this from happening by making sure that each of you has your own things that you do separate from each other. For example, you might each take a separate class one night a week, or join rec league teams in different sports. Spending time apart can be just as important as spending quality time together. Additionally, it turns out the old saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” actually holds some truth. When your partner’s not around, your imagination kicks in and they become more desirable—so you might plan solo weekend getaways, then get ready for a hot reunion.
8. Try a sex therapist if you have trouble communicating. Sex therapists help you talk about sex in a productive, meaningful way. If you’ve tried several ideas and sexual satisfaction still seems just out of reach, a sex therapist might be able to help. They’ll ask you questions designed to get to the root of your issues with intimacy so you can relate to each other sexually in a more fulfilling way. Marital or couples therapists can also help you work out issues that you’re having, but they usually don’t focus specifically on sex. A sex therapist, on the other hand, starts with your sexual relationship and works outward from that. It’s not uncommon to feel awkward about going to a therapist or talking about such intimate topics. A good therapist will help set you at ease so you feel comfortable talking to them.
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