Let us play a game–comparing love relationships with six common situations that a vehicle can find itself in.
1.THE VEHICLE WITH A DEAD BATTERY
When a vehicle has a dead battery, it cannot function. The vehicle may be of the highest quality but it simply cannot start and move on its own. Everything else in the engine may be in perfect order but it cannot move. Some marriages are like that.
We tend to think that if a marriage is not working then love is dead. But there can be love and respect in a marriage and still the marriage may not be working because there is neither fun nor variety. All this marriage needs is a change of battery and it will be on the road – that is change of environment; a change of routine; a change of attitude and everything will be fine.
2. THE VEHICLE WITH A DEFLATED TYRE
Have you tried to drive a car with a deflated tyre? It is a nightmare. The engine is working; the lights are working; everything is working; three of the tyres are in good shape but that one deflated tyre changes the driving experience totally. This is the picture of a marriage that is allowing little issues to go unresolved. There is resentment and simmering tensions that are being swept under the carpet. They need to be brought into the open and aired.
3.THE VEHICLE THAT HAS RUN OUT OF FUEL
A vehicle without fuel is going nowhere. It is not spoilt but it just won’t move. Put in fuel and it will be back to normal. So, what is the picture of a vehicle that has run out of fuel in a love relationship? This is the relationship without commitment from one or both parties.
It is becoming increasingly common to find relationships in which at least one party has no commitment. The relationship survives because one party is pushing it along without any help from his/her partner. It is a one-sided relationship and it cannot make much progress and the little progress it does make will be very painful and too much work for the party making it work.
4. THE VEHICLE WITH THE WRONG FUEL
A man I know bought an expensive executive salon car and decided to travel with it to Cape Coast. When he got to Mankessim, he drove into the filling station, filled the tank and took off. The brand new car travelled only a few metres from the filling station and stalled.
It would not move any more. What had happened was that his car was a diesel engine but the sound of the engine was so smooth that the service attendants had mistaken it for a petrol engine and filled it with petrol instead of diesel.
It was a costly mistake. The brand new expensive car had to be towed to the garage and the fuel completely drained from the tank and then they had to bleed the engine before it could come back on the road. As I think of it, I realize that a car filled with the wrong fuel is the picture of a relationship that has been hit by cheating by one of the parties.
When there is cheating in a relationship, progress can only be made when the wrong fuel, that is the other relationship, has been drained completely out of the relationship and all links cut off.
5. THE VEHICLE WITHOUT BRAKES
Every now and then, a car develops faulty brakes. One of the incidents that stands out in my mind in my student days at Legon was boarding an Accra Central¬-bound tro-tro from the main gate of the university. I got the front seat. The journey was uneventful until we reached the traffic lights at the then Drama Studio, now National Theatre. The light turned red on us; then I heard the driver utter something under his breath and he jumped the red light. I looked at him and he said, “The brake has failed.” And I looked at the pedals and saw him still pumping the brakes to no avail. So, it is possible to have a vehicle that has no brakes.
It is moving but it cannot stop on its own. In a relationship that can be likened to a vehicle without brakes, conflicts are loud and often lead to a physical fight. Whenever there is anger, none of them is able to exercise self-restraint and they exchange words and insults at the top of their voices and often get physical. But this relationship also has great sex when there is no fight. It is a relationship that has only passion and nothing else. When things are good, sex is passionate and wild.
But there is no respect and there is bad attitude. So it-crashes often and when it does it is dramatic and it draws people from the neighbourhood. Then it is taken to the workshop, straightened and re-sprayed and then it takes off again.
6. THE VEHICLE WITHOUT REVERSE GEAR
This is the relationship that needs the intervention of third parties after every conflict. The parties in this relationship have not learnt how to avert disaster. When there is an issue or a problem, they go at it without restraint and stop only when things have blown out of control and the relationship is on the brink of collapse. They are too proud or immature to deal with the issues and so things remain in limbo until friends, relatives or neighbours intervene – the couple themselves do not have what it takes to correct what has gone wrong and reconcile.